Teleportation Gifts

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

The fate of the emigrant

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Meet the scribe"

Historical memory is on life support.

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

'That's about it so far, Son.'

"We're following Carrot Top."

Second hand furniture.

'Great news, Dear! I've been traded to a think tank in California for a PhD Specializing in the Baltics!'

Pinocchio's Second Realization

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

"I always check 2 bags, but one's just a sacrifice to the luggage gods."

Time for vacation, time for work.

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

"Please! No harmonizing during ululations!"

"Early model of baggage claim"

'I'd say it's six of one and one half doxen of the other.'

"About how if the dark ages never happened we'd be so much more technologically advanced by now."

"Wait... what was it I came up here for?"

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.

Danger Slow Sand.

'You know what they say - 'Those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to go to summer school.''

"I'm going to prove that Math comes in handy later in life."

"But if you leave New Orleans, you'll be just another sandwich."