Telephone Unplugged Gifts

I'm away from my desk. Any message you leave won't be of any importance to me.

'Where would you recommend for a tech-free experience.'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

Before pagers,mobile phones and the internet.

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

'I'm going to have to transfer you to someone I don't like.'

"You're young enough to play tag, but not old enough to borrow my phone to play phone tag."

Automated customer service.

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

Academics at the Beach: Professor Wilson receives his email messages by the use of willpower alone.

'Waiter, there's a cell phone in my soup.'

'No, I wouldn't like a free quote for central heating! Where did you get this number?'

'Hold on, there might be someone more interesting on the other line...'

"Hold music will return after we pause for a commerial"

Bird on phone: 'Hold on, I have caw waiting.'

'... Press 7 to admit defeat...'

"The secret of time management? Never take anyone off hold."

"The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on."

Due to higher-than-usual caller volume, your wait-time is nine minutes. That's over an hour in wolverine minutes.

"Behold, Penny. The 'Wi-Fi dead zone.'"

'If that's the Police Station - we're not here!'

'Ahem. No txtng PLZ."

'Good morning. I'd like to talk about double glazing issues.'

Hello, 911? … The pizza place isn't answering their phone!!

"Yes, I'm still on hold and counting the billable minutes."

'It's for you.'

'Are you gonna answer that?'

I can't come in today. I haven't got chronic diarrhoea!

"Yethhh, hello. . .are you clothed?"