Phone Call Jester Gifts

'We're not a call centre... However.'

Anyone here called bunny chops?

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"They want to put up a new cell tower in our neighbourhood?! We don't need more of those radio emission eyesores here! I'm gonna complain... ...as soon as I have better signal strength."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

'WELL, that certainly was a frank discussion! Shall we proceed to the inevitable apologies, retractions and clarifications?'

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

'They just kept sending out memos. Who cared if they made sense?'

Bad Interview Technique

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

Overworked

The Communicator

"My Twitter account isn't too interesting. It's mostly just a bunch of threats."

'I'm going to have to transfer you to someone I don't like.'

'Waiter, there's a cell phone in my soup.'

"When I want your advice, I'll ask for it... but in an oblique, face-saving way."

"You're young enough to play tag, but not old enough to borrow my phone to play phone tag."

'Thanks for making it guys. Come on in and pull up a chair.' A square hole in an office floor where chairs can be pulled up from

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

'No, I wouldn't like a free quote for central heating! Where did you get this number?'

"Hold music will return after we pause for a commerial"

'Hold on, there might be someone more interesting on the other line...'

"He may only be three years old, but he has 21 years of tech experience."

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

'I said that I didn't want to be interrupted...'

"The secret of time management? Never take anyone off hold."

"We'll have to pick this up later. My plane just went down, sharks ate my personal assistant, and apparently I'm winning some kind of surfing competition."

We're prepared to offer you a starting salary in the low six figures...if you count the decimal.

'Call me back - the old trout's on the other line.'

"There's something you should know about me."

"It's terminal? Brill, I was worried my YouTube channel was loosing it edge."