Phone Finance Jester Gifts

'When my smart phone rate increases, I think of it as giving my personal assistant a raise.'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

Why markets crash.

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

'In this class you will learn to apply the talents of creative writing to accounting.'

During his financial report to the board of directors, Ted hits the poignancy button by mistake.

GAS. If you have to ask, you probably can't afford it.

'Wait a minute....!

IRS Audits. Do you have tax records? No, I pay about the same as most people.

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

"Are you sure you haven't overvalued the worth of your business?"

'It's the bank again... What I'd give for a bit of good old-fashioned heavy breathing!'

"He's so into social media that he's become anti-social."

"You gave us quite a scare there Mr. Edwards! We thought we lost your credit card information."

Overworked

The Communicator

"I'm at that awkward stage between credit card payments and alimony payments."

'Man, I've bought heaps on my credit card this month...It always amazes me...How many things I'd rather have than money.'

'So, they weren't interested in your Robin Hood tax then.'

'Dear sir, every month we place all bills in a big pile on the table, and select six at random for payment...'

'With the economy the way it is, there's no silver lining. In fact we sold that last week!'

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

'The salary isn't much, but the expense account to entertain the boss, ohh-la-la!'

"Tap anywhere to begin."

"Of course we're not in a recession. No one has even jumped out of a window."

Economic Conference.

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

"Beats me how I managed before getting a financial support animal."

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

'No, I wouldn't like a free quote for central heating! Where did you get this number?'

"Hold music will return after we pause for a commerial"