Telephone Systems Pillows

'If you now feel like punching someone in the face. . . press five!'

Snobs club: Press 1 to speak to a somebody, press 2 to speak to a nobody.

You are on hold. Press One for Vivaldi...

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

"They want to put up a new cell tower in our neighbourhood?! We don't need more of those radio emission eyesores here! I'm gonna complain... ...as soon as I have better signal strength."

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"Nuts to you, too."

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

"Oh! It's you! I was expecting the machine."

"I see the downsizing continues."

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"

'Don't ask questions, Ralph, just tell me who you'd rather look like - Sean Connery or Robert Redford.'

Fat Kid 17- Swallows the phone

"Oh...Hi Bob, listen buddy, I'm in a meeting right now, I'll Caw you back."

'So you still can't get a sound engineer then?'

'Yeah, you have lips like Mick Jagger ... ok, back to the teleconference.'

HUAWEI 5G

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

"I'm away from my desk or on another line. Please leave a message at the sound of my impersonation of a beep."

'The boss said things have to improve or my job is going to run out of minutes.'

"And His Majesty sends you a great big kiss, too."

"We think your telephone is a great invention, Mr Bell, but is a bit basic. How about adding a phonograph to it?"

"Thank you for holding. . .Your call is important to us. . .Yeah right."

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

A senior moment.

"Well, at least one of us passed the emoji eye exam..."

'And now for the anesthesia: I've got plenty of conventional anesthetics I could use here but you can also choose to spend half an hour on the phone with my mother...'

"Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is less than five hours."

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

'Wrong number. Sorry, I dialled my salary by mistake.'