Telephone Handling Pillows

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

'Call for you on the cream corn line.'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"

"Can I call you back? I've got a situation here."

Mr. and Mrs. Angel

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

"I'm working as fast as I can, Mr. Sims. There are only so many billable hours in a day, you know."

A senior moment.

"Miss. Wilcox, get me the coast."

Suddenly, the line went dead.

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

'... Press 7 to admit defeat...'

Bird on phone: 'Hold on, I have caw waiting.'

". . . But, hey, man, I just want to say this in all sincerity, man, that you are the greatest, man, you the el numero uno cat in my book, man you. . ."

Come to think of it...I could do with a showcase kitchen as it goes...

"Hi, I'm on the toilet"

"The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on."

Call centre musicians

"We'd love to, but we had too much wine and cheese in the eighties."

Due to higher-than-usual caller volume, your wait-time is nine minutes. That's over an hour in wolverine minutes.

"My all-time favorite rock group? That would be The Grateful Dead."

Little Known Scenes From History: Alexander Graham Bell in prison inventing the phone so he can make his one call after being arrested.

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Her ladyship isn't in—wait, yes, no—so sorry, she's out."

Hello, 911? … The pizza place isn't answering their phone!!

For several years, intelligent beings from outer space have been circling earth. They've tried to make contact but haven't been able to get through corporate phone trees, bad cell reception, clogged voicemail boxes, but, after years of cold-calling numbers, a breakthrough! Hello, thank you for calling. Hello! This is Zork. Hello Zork. How may I help you? I am from another galaxy. I'm making first contact. Wonderful. Wherever you're from, we can work with you. Let's start with your zip code. My z

"Yes, I'm still on hold and counting the billable minutes."

Call before you dig!

"Some days I wake up grumpy. Other days, I let him sleep."

'I've got to go - we're having the zebras for dinner.'

"The Department of Revenue and Tax? No, sorry, never heard of it before. You must have dialed the wrong number. This is the Department of Tax and Revenue."