Telephone Systems Gifts

'If you now feel like punching someone in the face. . . press five!'

Snobs club: Press 1 to speak to a somebody, press 2 to speak to a nobody.

You are on hold. Press One for Vivaldi...

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

Atomic Bear: Part 22

"They want to put up a new cell tower in our neighbourhood?! We don't need more of those radio emission eyesores here! I'm gonna complain... ...as soon as I have better signal strength."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"Nuts to you, too."

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"

"Oh! It's you! I was expecting the machine."

"I see the downsizing continues."

'Don't ask questions, Ralph, just tell me who you'd rather look like - Sean Connery or Robert Redford.'

Data From a Truck

"Oh...Hi Bob, listen buddy, I'm in a meeting right now, I'll Caw you back."

Fat Kid 17- Swallows the phone

'So you still can't get a sound engineer then?'

'Yeah, you have lips like Mick Jagger ... ok, back to the teleconference.'

HUAWEI 5G

"I'm away from my desk or on another line. Please leave a message at the sound of my impersonation of a beep."

"Thank you for holding. . .Your call is important to us. . .Yeah right."

'The boss said things have to improve or my job is going to run out of minutes.'

"And His Majesty sends you a great big kiss, too."

"We think your telephone is a great invention, Mr Bell, but is a bit basic. How about adding a phonograph to it?"

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

"Well, at least one of us passed the emoji eye exam..."

A senior moment.

'And now for the anesthesia: I've got plenty of conventional anesthetics I could use here but you can also choose to spend half an hour on the phone with my mother...'

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'