Telepathic Thinker Gifts

"I can actually hear you thinking about food."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

A man looks up at the earth

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

“What if I tell you the card you are thinking of is … the Jack of Hearts ?”

"On the weekend I finally beat the club pro...so I don't need you anymore!"

"Oh, it's you, I'm glad I picked up.You wouldn't believe how many annoying telepathicmarketing calls I get."

"O.K. What part of 'malignant regression and pathogenic reintrojection as a defense against psychic decompensation' don't you understand?"

"But it would be rude to raise taxes on my friends."

"I feel used."

"This isn't a bad time to be out of touch with reality."

We've been together so long, we can finish each other's texts.

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'Of course you're not a failure... you can afford my fees can't you?'

"I was born into the wrong color. I'm not pink, Oh, doc, I'm so depressed..."

The invention of a hat that reveals emotions

"I know marriage is a partnership, but I didn't realise I'd be the silent partner."

Introverted Chair

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

'I think that's always how it's been!'

Number Phobia.

"Lately, I've become more spiritual, and less religious."

'Do you mind if I take the rest of the session to get your input on investor psychology?'

"You've got to want to connect the dots, Mr. Michaelson."

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

'You needn't of bothered, it grows on trees up here.'

Workaholics Anonymous