Telemarketing Cynic Gifts

"I think you'll want to talk to this telemarketer. He's selling a phone device that prevents other telemarketers from calling."

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

'What's PPI and how did you get this number?'

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

Even though I'm on the do-not-call-list telemarketers manage to ruin my hibernation again.

'This must be the Sea of Tranquility.'

'A telemarketing call for you, Sir.'

"It's a robocall, should I take it?"

"Even though I'm a robot with robot with no emotions, all these telemarketing calls I'm getting is starting to get on my nerves."

iPhone: Leading Our Grand March Into Mass Mediocrity

Don't worry, Bob. There are some jobs a robot just can't do...like kissing ass.

'Please... take... a... moment... to... complete... our... brief... survey... to... help... improve... customer... satisfaction... '

'A real person's answered it. I hate that. I'll call back when their voicemail's activated.'

'Those dang telemarketers have a knack for knowing exactly when we're sitting down for dinner don't they?'

A Dog Who Never Got His Day.

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

"Faked by a snake selling rakes."

"I only wish this was the final notice."

"Am I covered for the brain cell damage caused by your TV commercials?"

"No one whose name is pronounced that way lives here."

"Car insurance?? - No thanks!"

'I'll tell you, Ed, this new technology is starting to realy spook me out.'

"We interrupt this endless stream of mind-numbing adverts to bring you a TV programme..."

'Grandma takes our telemarketer calls.'

"I'll have one long Belch ale, an Old Makesmepee, and two Dumb Flirt Lights on tap."

"To be honest I thought Hades would be Hellfire, Brimstone and eternal suffering....but this is way worse!!"

"Hi this is Mario...is this Sergio Bermudez? Are you interested in buying..."

"Are robocalls a problem? Heck no. I gave up answering the phone years ago."

'Hello, and welcome to Acme Cable. If you're calling about a billing issue, big whoop. Get over it and pay the bill. If your cable is out, who cares. When it's fixed, you'll know it. If you're...'

"Here, this one says it gives cold relief in seven to ten days. . . wait a minute! Don't colds usually only last seven to ten days?"

"Waiting for some customers to call?!"

Free at last from all forms of electronic and digital interconnectedness!

"Yes, I keep a landline. Getting up 50 times a day to answer telemarketers keeps me in shape."

"Must resist...phone allure...of bilingual telemarketers!"

"Yes, I'd like to be placed on the Do Not Call list. Also, happy birthday Mom."