Telegraph Aficionado Pillows

Samuel Morse

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

Television Readers.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'You'll be happy to see that I've finally managed to turn things around.'

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

"Why don't you ever fetch anything good like a pizza?"

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

I.T. Fear

The city of San Francisco switches from cable cars to satellite dish at a cost of only $79.99 a month for the first six months.

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

'Have you seen me?' (Brain missing in TV viewer)

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

100 best beheadings

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'-Not THE Queen Vic?'

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

'Brains...brains...brains...'

"He's an indoor cat."

"The disasters are collaborating better than we are!"

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

Experience-Productivity Ratio / Age-Salary Ratio.

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

Couch and Potato

JET (Part I)