Telegraph History Buff Pillows

Woman hanging out her washing on telegrah wires

Before the Internet

Cord cutter

The original paperless office

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

"I'll never forget you."

JET (Part I)

My url is: http:/how:/um:/powwow.co.chiese.html.

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

'I want to sue my veterinarian. He didn't keep doctorpatient confidentiality and blabbed about my sex change operation to the tabloids.'

'Inflated gloom!'

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

'He's not a 'bad' phone. He's just not a 'smart' phone.'

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

"When I was your age, all we had to know was how to wind."

'It's engaged.'

Signs grampa has run out of 'When I Was Your Age' stories.

'Oh great, now, not only am I cursed, but my photo is on the front page of the tabloids...'

Phone Call

'Normally I don't like a newspaper because of its pictures.'

"What about that! His brain still uses the old vacuum tubes."

"...Coulda been huge, man."

Brggar holding sign - 'Victim of computer age'.

Bell on early phone: 'I know it's you, Watson - stop trying to sound like Edison!'

'Turkey dot com.'

'We didn't know what to do with all our old, outdated equipment, so we made a sculpture garden from it.'

"There's a rumor going around that the 90's are back."

"Remember always power up you machine clockwise"

When you think about it, you have to be a complete idiot NOT to believe aliens crashed at Roswell in 1947. It's clear we reverse-engineered their tech. Before 1947: Primitive cars, planes and radio. After 1947: Spaceships, quantum computing, internet. Let me try ... Before 1947: No bikinis. After 1947: Bikinis. No, wait ... the bikini was 1946. That throws this whole theory into question. We really should have our own science show.

'A regular computer wouldn't have been so bad — I was replaced by an electric typewriter.'

'He's so behind the times - his Hot Line is rotary!'

'Sleaze, please.'

Showbiz is tough

"Let me in to look around. Just this one time and I'll never bother you again..."

"Interesting concept. Have you thought about using fossil fuels?"