Teetotal Trendsetter Gifts

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

Sober Tooth Tiger

'New Barbeque.'

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

'You've got lot toe!'

"You talkin' to me?"

The Janopause

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

'What is she thinking? Cloth diapers are soooo out of style this season.'

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

"I wonder, sir, if you expect to be using your complimentary cocktail."

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

'Drinking or passive drinking table ?'

'It's the worse case of in-growing toe nails I've ever seen, nurse!'

Drink kills.

"This Dry January thing is going to be a real challenge."

'No alcohol for me thanks: I see enough mirages as it is...'

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

Small child advocating teetotalism to his grandfather

"That's a lovely tee-shot." - "Well, thank you, it matches my underpants."

A Guilty Conscience.

Have you been eating people again, Gertie?

"Honestly, it felt like Dry January was never going to end."

"Actually, I'm a practising teetotaller. I just haven't got the hang of it yet."

Teetotaler introducing his son to the schoolmaster

'I'm a teetotaler.'

Overdoing It.

Alcoholics Antonymous

A Volunteer Review

SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE, 'You have the wrong idea, sir -- we're not liquor consultants.'

'Non-alcohol beer? Aisle 6, keep sweeping dust till you hit 'em.'

"Dry January?"

'I overheard you say that you have been sober for 10 years... Me to!'