Teetotal Titan Gifts

'Non-alcohol beer? Aisle 6, keep sweeping dust till you hit 'em.'

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

Sisyphus during Covid

Two Players both holding the same cue.

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

Sober Tooth Tiger

'New Barbeque.'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

'I'm trying to get in shape enough so I can wear Spandex in public.'

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

'I made a substitute in the recipe. Take-out.'

'It's called bipedalism, Ned, and it's the wave of the future. You better get with it or get left behind.'

Pizza and Related Searches.

"You talkin' to me?"

Old man plays golf, supported by his caddy and paramedic.

The Janopause

'Dad could use one of these when he's playing golf.'

There Are More Things To Life Than Golf...But I Ignore Them. There are more things to life than golf...but I ignore them.

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

"I wonder, sir, if you expect to be using your complimentary cocktail."

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

Early Tailgate Parties.

Drink kills.

'Drinking or passive drinking table ?'

Moo Shoe Guy Pan.

"This Dry January thing is going to be a real challenge."

'No alcohol for me thanks: I see enough mirages as it is...'

Small child advocating teetotalism to his grandfather

'If you'd get lost, I could find you without a GPS nav. I'd just have to follow the empty beer cans and pizza boxes.'

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

I see you're drinking coffee. I'm also a teetotaler. I only force down these martinis for the roughage in the olives. ??

A Guilty Conscience.

'We'll have to eat out tonight -- the FDA issued a warning against everything we've got in the kitchen.'

"It's great, this week we've eaten Greek, French, Italian, American, Moroccan, Indian ..."

'I'm a teetotaler.'