Teenage Humor Pillows

'Teenage Goldfish' I keep having dry dreams

'Jeremy, you disgusting little pervert!'

'Life isn't fair. Just when girls get interesting, they get taller than us.'

Wordplay: Hibernation.

'Who ever came up with the idea that throwing up is fun?'

"I failed my driving test...apparently I shouldn't have been texting!"

"And this is my oldest son I was telling you about. The one that eats like a horse."

Boy who has eaten oysters and grown fat

'Boy squeezing a spot at boy squirting silly string'

"I'm kinda over all this snow. . . I'm ready for spring."

'Now you behave yourself and don't throw and infestation while we're gone.'

'I get 23 stations and a place to hang my coat!'

"Well, go get a job and move out if your allowance doesn't have the purchasing power it did when you were fourteen."

"Who made this mess?"

Toy Grab/Toy Stab.

'I need a haircut...maybe I should enlist.'

"These gas prices are crazy! By the time I'm old enough to drive...I'll only be able to date girls who live within a 1-gallon radius."

"I told mom I won't answer her calls in case a scammer got her number."

Happy Valentine's Day, Millennial,

"Is there the slightest chance of credit being eased by this weekend?"

"When I first started school all I wanted were A's but since hitting puberty I'm far more interested in D's."

'I don't care what your friends are doing. You're not leaving this house until your fix your label, young lady!'

'Oh, I know that broccoli is good for me -- it's just that I don't feel I deserve it.'

"It's so early in the year, and that English teacher…. She's already up in my grill."

"Baldo, get up! It's 1 o'clock in the afternoon! And take that auto window tint off your windows!"

"Typical teenager-straight for the burger bar."

The First Millennial Robin of Spring

'Has he taken my chocolates?'

'Washing dishes, why?'

'Until I was thirteen I thought my name was stop it!'

'Truthfully, I love teaching middle-school kids, they're so interesting!...They're all just pudgy bundles of potential!...Although some of them smell funny.'

The kid who learnt about math on the street

Poetry corner: junior high edition

"My parents are okay too, I suppose. I just wish they weren't so...parenting!"