Teenage Humor Pillows

'Teenage Goldfish' I keep having dry dreams

'Jeremy, you disgusting little pervert!'

'Life isn't fair. Just when girls get interesting, they get taller than us.'

Wordplay: Hibernation.

'Who ever came up with the idea that throwing up is fun?'

"I failed my driving test...apparently I shouldn't have been texting!"

"And this is my oldest son I was telling you about. The one that eats like a horse."

Boy who has eaten oysters and grown fat

'Boy squeezing a spot at boy squirting silly string'

"I'm kinda over all this snow. . . I'm ready for spring."

'Now you behave yourself and don't throw and infestation while we're gone.'

"RUN! Here comes the long arm of the law!"

'I get 23 stations and a place to hang my coat!'

"Well, go get a job and move out if your allowance doesn't have the purchasing power it did when you were fourteen."

"Who made this mess?"

"When I first started school all I wanted were A's but since hitting puberty I'm far more interested in D's."

'I need a haircut...maybe I should enlist.'

Toy Grab/Toy Stab.

"Is there the slightest chance of credit being eased by this weekend?"

"These gas prices are crazy! By the time I'm old enough to drive...I'll only be able to date girls who live within a 1-gallon radius."

"I told mom I won't answer her calls in case a scammer got her number."

Happy Valentine's Day, Millennial,

'I don't care what your friends are doing. You're not leaving this house until your fix your label, young lady!'

'Oh, I know that broccoli is good for me -- it's just that I don't feel I deserve it.'

"It's so early in the year, and that English teacher…. She's already up in my grill."

"Baldo, get up! It's 1 o'clock in the afternoon! And take that auto window tint off your windows!"

"Typical teenager-straight for the burger bar."

I'm being cyberbullied. No way. Someone posted my face with a Justin Bieber haircut. Chillax, dude. The hot girls did it to half of the guys in our class. It's cyber flirting. Wow! Glad I wasn't left out.

So what if the school took a webcam picture of a kid at home? Emily? They're spying! It's totally over the line! What line?

'Has he taken my chocolates?'

The First Millennial Robin of Spring

'Washing dishes, why?'

'Until I was thirteen I thought my name was stop it!'

'Truthfully, I love teaching middle-school kids, they're so interesting!...They're all just pudgy bundles of potential!...Although some of them smell funny.'

The kid who learnt about math on the street