Teen Spirit Seeker Pillows

'I know it's a cry for help, but couldn't you just, like, say, 'Help?''

"Marilyn Johnson does so like me! She's even got a pet name for me...she calls me a dweeb!"

Moses as a teenager

"Must you spend all your time talking with your friends?"

"Good game."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

The Brothers Grime

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

Astral Projection

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

Zenemies.

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Needs to get a life"

Tiny Visions

"All we have left is standing room only."

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

My God, I need to fart.

'The meaning of life is dog food.'

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"