Teen Confidants Gifts

'I heard that as soon as we become aware of our sexual impulses, whatever they are, we'll have to hide them.'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Licensed Therapist

A Punk Rocker Cocoon.

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

"Who's a good boy? You're a good boy."

Time for tea and friendship.

"Have you tried barking at the moon?"

"Your love gives me strength."

Of course your master calls you 'Man's best friend'. As your attorney I advise you to get it in writing.

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

"The first day of school. Yes sir. A day to make new friends. A day to mark new beginnings. A day to discover everyone but you has grown three feet over the summer."

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

"I've been getting really excited about squirrels even when my dog isn't with me."

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

Personal Assistants.

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

'It's just full of dirty laundry but it makes me feel much more hip.'

Interning in D.C. Volunteering in Seattle. Trekking in Nepal. Lucky ducks! I'm stuck here working 2 jobs! Wow! You're getting paid?!! Who knew? Employment is this summer's must-have status symbol. Some parents envy you.

'Sorry I'm late - I couldn't stop doing things with it!'

Spa Dog

'I'm not lazy - just resting before I get tired...'

"So tell me more about the dog sitter."

"He quit online counseling. This gives him the same sympathy, but cheaper."

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

"It's my box of secrets. It has things I've thought about but would never tell anyone!"

'Don't get me wrong, the professional dog-walker is nice, but it is not really the same as if my Master was walking me...'

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

"He's anxious to resume perpetrating his usual activities."

"Baldo, we need to talk."

'At first his nose ring irritated me, but then I made him tie a string to it. Now I can lead him around.'