Teen Confidants Gifts

'I heard that as soon as we become aware of our sexual impulses, whatever they are, we'll have to hide them.'

Licensed Therapist

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

A Punk Rocker Cocoon.

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

"Who's a good boy? You're a good boy."

Time for tea and friendship.

"Your love gives me strength."

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

Of course your master calls you 'Man's best friend'. As your attorney I advise you to get it in writing.

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

"The first day of school. Yes sir. A day to make new friends. A day to mark new beginnings. A day to discover everyone but you has grown three feet over the summer."

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

"I've been getting really excited about squirrels even when my dog isn't with me."

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

Personal Assistants.

'It's just full of dirty laundry but it makes me feel much more hip.'

'Sorry I'm late - I couldn't stop doing things with it!'

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

"He quit online counseling. This gives him the same sympathy, but cheaper."

"So tell me more about the dog sitter."

'I'm not lazy - just resting before I get tired...'

Spa Dog

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

"It's my box of secrets. It has things I've thought about but would never tell anyone!"

"Baldo, we need to talk."

"He's anxious to resume perpetrating his usual activities."

'Don't get me wrong, the professional dog-walker is nice, but it is not really the same as if my Master was walking me...'

'At first his nose ring irritated me, but then I made him tie a string to it. Now I can lead him around.'

"Glen, I'm not just your editor. I'm also your best friend, and I'm telling you, lose the cat."