Teen Friends Gifts

"My boyfriend's fifteen. . . do you have any perfume that smells like pizza?"

Wordplay: Hibernation.

A Punk Rocker Cocoon.

Likes: $2.

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

"He's gone goth"

Grand. Baby Grand. Toddler Grand. Teen Grand.

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'This is a good time to be young, son. Look at all the opportunities you have in front of you...you can help sole the problems of the environment, poverty,civil rights....'

'I think there was a typo in the lab instructions.'

"I've tracked our GPS coordinates over the past week dad. Well, we're roaming the plains alright!"

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

"The first day of school. Yes sir. A day to make new friends. A day to mark new beginnings. A day to discover everyone but you has grown three feet over the summer."

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

Mom? Eco club is starting a campaign to eat local food. Good idea. Would you please pack me a lunch from organic stuff grown near here? Ok. I'm sure we have something. Thanks! Oh, boy. A beet sandwich.

'Wanna see my tadpole collection?'

What are you looking for in a college? A strong environmental program. Ok. Pick 4 or 5 we could visit. I've got 3 days for the trip. There's one in Ohio. Can do. One in Maine, Iowa and California. You need a good geography program. Here's another one. Where's St. Paul?

Do you ever wonder if there's really a higher power? What do you mean? Is there an all-knowing being that keeps track of you? That always knows where you are

'Beware of the teenager.'

'Dad, can I borrow the club tonight?'

'It's just full of dirty laundry but it makes me feel much more hip.'

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

'Sorry I'm late - I couldn't stop doing things with it!'

"Another barnacle?!" "I was a teenage creature."

'Don't forget to put gas in the car and the mower.'

No cell phones, tv or internet for a week. It's creepy. What's that annoying sound? Silence? It's awful. I can hear myself think!

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

"What's with kids nowadays? Walking upright's not good enough for you?"

"Hey, look - Mom left us an internal memo."

The tulip knew it was in trouble when called by its scientific name.

The Awful Lawfuls Chapter 4

Mrs. Tree? A hockey ball hit your daughter. It's likely just a bad bruise. Whew! Though there could be a fracture, nerve damage or fatal blood clots. What? Don't worry. Our medical advisor is evaluating Twig right now. Can you sign this liability waiver? Her hand seems fine. Team lawyer.