Tee-off Sage Gifts

Thanks God!

"I imagined the Library of Congress would be much bigger."

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

"I know! Two years without anymore Game Of Thrones?"

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

Business man sees himself as a shark

'It's not dead, honey. You've just never seen it turned off before.'

'Your direction is good! Now try for distance.'

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

Computer spying.

It's a tradition. On hole number 1 in the first round of the season, Ernie always says that's the best shot I've hit this year!

'If you're going to stare at that thing all day, at least watch something educational,,, like Japan,'

You ever wonder what would've happened if Nintendo had never existed? There'd have been no Mario Bros., and since Sega created Sonic to compete, there'd be no Sonic. And without those, the market wouldn't have been big enough to interest Sony. So … no Playstation. And no Playstation, no Xbox. Several generations of awkward teens would've had to come up with other excuses not to go outside. Sometimes I wonder if it rained where I grew up.

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

'This course is a great ego builder.'

'Dad could use one of these when he's playing golf.'

'That's not whitewash....that's detergent!'

'Found it ... Good heavens! It's the size of a soccer ball!..'

Why god isn't listening...

'When the time comes, Goopta, I'd like to be bronzed.'

'The pro said my swing was out of this world.'

'No, we can never actually see the big cartoonist, but he's everywhere.'

"HELP! - I'm trapped in a dumbed-down medium..!!"

'It's a nice course. I just wish it wasn't so close to the airport.'

"Just take the crowd out of it. Imagine everyone is naked."

"You're addicted to your phone and I think you need help."

The Senior Citizen Surfer

"If you don't want to know the score..."

Jesus Saves

A repairman has a small box marked 'Useful Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Screws.'

Weight and Fortune.

'World Popularity of Golf'

'I don't get it. How can you say Leno is better than Letterman?'

It is important that the aspiring golfer learns the meaning of certain golfing terms, so that he can understand what his fellow sportsmen are saying to him.