Ted Talk Superfan Gifts

"I'm here today to talk to you about the dark side of outsourcing."

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

'I'm full of stuffing so I'll have the potatoes.'

Men discussing a book on a chat show

The Walking TED Talk.

"So, colony collapse disorder - how funny is it?"

"Well I think the Real question is..."

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am 62 years old and was fired from my job of 22 years just before xmas 2010. What should I do? Sincerely, Irene. Attack! Stop! Enough, Sadie. Haven't you been listening? The mean-spirited, virulent partisanship of talk show hosts must end. People were hurt and some died. Aren't you the ultimate partisan, you coot? That's different lady! Fasten your seatbelts.

"I see myself as a lot like Garbo, but very much a people person!"

". . . and I wish he's shut up for a few minutes!"

Retired Talk Show Host.

'So...you claim Farmer Jones kept you locked up naked in a dirty sty, fed nothing but garbage and repetitively called you a filthy swine!'

"Emotional breakdown! Call Oprah!"

It sounds like you've been watching Dr. Phil again, Al � bad idea. Dr. Phil provides a service, Dr. Kapuchnik: he makes you seem like less of a pompous, overbearing know-it-all.

'I wonder if TED ever listens.'

Life is better with a laugh track and graphics.

"You're down 10 - zip after the friggin' first half. Ask yourself � what is it going to take to turn this shit around?"

Conan O'Brian

When motivational speakers are TOO effective.

"Any chance Piers Morgan's available?"

'Alan's claim to fame is that he was once a Jay Leno punch line.'

Cartoons showing a speaker, with a teddy bear projected on a screen behind them. The speaker says: "welcome to my TED talk."

Welcome to the "Ask Sadie" radio hour. You're on, Kenosha. What's your problem?! I'm a grad student pursuing my PhD. in robotics. Under the recent tax plan that passed the House, I'd have to count my tuition waiver as income, even though I never received any actual money. This would put me in a higher tax bracket and I'd have to drop out because I could never afford to pay those taxes. Good riddance, Poindexter. Science is nothing but gobbledygook anyway. Studies have shown that's not the case.

" ...And now, for today's TED Talks ..."

"We begin the day hammering. Then there's 'Regis and Kathie Lee.' Then we do some more hammering, followed by lunch and 'Days of Our Lives,' more hammering, 'Oprah,' and, finally, home."

Dr.Phil McGraw

Graham Norton

'I'm going on vacation next week - If you have any problems, here's Oprah's number.'

Akron, OH, you're on Ask Sadie. What's your problem?! I'm thinking of not signing up for health insurance this year. Good idea. In my day, there was no such thing as health insurance. If you got sick, you paid for it with either money or chickens. That's if you were a lily-livered coward who just had to see a doctor. When great great grandmother Cohen had her sixth heart attack, she just applied a poultice made of chestnut leaves and flour and kept plowing.

"Worst TED talk ever"