Ted Talk Superfan Gifts

"I'm here today to talk to you about the dark side of outsourcing."

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

'I'm full of stuffing so I'll have the potatoes.'

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

Men discussing a book on a chat show

"So, colony collapse disorder - how funny is it?"

"Well I think the Real question is..."

"I see myself as a lot like Garbo, but very much a people person!"

". . . and I wish he's shut up for a few minutes!"

Retired Talk Show Host.

'So...you claim Farmer Jones kept you locked up naked in a dirty sty, fed nothing but garbage and repetitively called you a filthy swine!'

"Emotional breakdown! Call Oprah!"

Life is better with a laugh track and graphics.

"You're down 10 - zip after the friggin' first half. Ask yourself � what is it going to take to turn this shit around?"

'Alan's claim to fame is that he was once a Jay Leno punch line.'

Cartoons showing a speaker, with a teddy bear projected on a screen behind them. The speaker says: "welcome to my TED talk."

" ...And now, for today's TED Talks ..."

When motivational speakers are TOO effective.

"We begin the day hammering. Then there's 'Regis and Kathie Lee.' Then we do some more hammering, followed by lunch and 'Days of Our Lives,' more hammering, 'Oprah,' and, finally, home."

'Whoever said, 'There are no stupid questions,' never listened to talk radio.'

Modern Scienstist

"Worst TED talk ever"