Technology Whisperer Pillows

we wanted to get rid of all the 'superbugs' but they were the only one's who understood the new it system

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

'Can you loan me *** till pay day?'

Computer help.

"He's from IT. All I did was tell him I thought he was doing a great job... and he fainted in shock!"

Two computers are having a conversation, but stop when their owner enters the room.

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

"Finally, a co-worker who CAN handle Big data!"

'The computer can talk to terminals all over the country. Bentley thinks it's talking about him.'

'Decoding is often 1, 14, 20, 9, 3, 12, 9, 13, 1, 3, 20, 9, 3.'

Computer whisperer.

"The biggest downside of funding IT startups... is being called 'dude'!"

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

WWW.World.com

The fax machine had stopped and they did not know why.

You will do as I command...'It had a power surge.'

Cellular Plan

"Blimey, he's not the sharpest tool in the box, is he?"

"Sorry, honey, I can't talk now. I'm in the midst of some very intense negotiations with Bill Gates on the electronic rights to you and the kids."

'Sometimes, when I'm feeling unappreciated, I'll fake a system-wide data crash.'

"I just got an alert from our smart refrigerator. It's pleading with us to not stick anything else on it."

'My Turing Machine doesn't understand me.'

"Yeah, I've been radio-tagged by scientists, so once a week, out of spite, I do something irrational just to mess up their data..."

"I keep getting the feeling I’m being watched."

Man in office smiling in delight as various office equipment dances for him

"He fights me when I tell him to take a nap. When I reword it and say go reboot, he doesn't have a problem."

"You got my text... but did you get my subtext?"