Technology Whisperer Prints

we wanted to get rid of all the 'superbugs' but they were the only one's who understood the new it system

Information might travel at the speed of light, but the news still travels at the speed of sound bites.

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

'Can you loan me *** till pay day?'

Computer help.

"He's from IT. All I did was tell him I thought he was doing a great job... and he fainted in shock!"

Two computers are having a conversation, but stop when their owner enters the room.

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

'The computer can talk to terminals all over the country. Bentley thinks it's talking about him.'

'Decoding is often 1, 14, 20, 9, 3, 12, 9, 13, 1, 3, 20, 9, 3.'

"Finally, a co-worker who CAN handle Big data!"

Computer whisperer.

"The biggest downside of funding IT startups... is being called 'dude'!"

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

WWW.World.com

Cellular Plan

"Blimey, he's not the sharpest tool in the box, is he?"

The fax machine had stopped and they did not know why.

You will do as I command...'It had a power surge.'

Happiness is a warm warm iPad.

"Sorry, honey, I can't talk now. I'm in the midst of some very intense negotiations with Bill Gates on the electronic rights to you and the kids."

"I just got an alert from our smart refrigerator. It's pleading with us to not stick anything else on it."

'Sometimes, when I'm feeling unappreciated, I'll fake a system-wide data crash.'

"Yeah, I've been radio-tagged by scientists, so once a week, out of spite, I do something irrational just to mess up their data..."

Man in office smiling in delight as various office equipment dances for him

"He fights me when I tell him to take a nap. When I reword it and say go reboot, he doesn't have a problem."

'My Turing Machine doesn't understand me.'

Rudy, you bought me a high-definition camcorder. You shouldn't have. Is that you shouldn't have as in: It's just too thoughtful? Or, simply: You shouldn't have 'cause this gift stinks? I'm really blown away. Clarify!