Technology-tangled Cleric Pillows

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

"I'm going on a retreat."

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

'We have to move - they're putting in a cell phone tower up here.'

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

"The answers to the questions you seek could also be found on Google."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

'I wish Brother Gregory would spend less time surfing the 'net.''

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'

The mobile -priest was keen to use modern technology to 'keep in touch' with his parishioners!

'I got one of those new crystal ball smart watches.'

'He says he's tried sending you tweets but his cell phones keep melting.'

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

Religion and technology.

'What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his internet provider?'

'I'd still be in a luxurious office instead of a smelly cave if I really knew the secret of keeping customers.'

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

'To everything there is a season; a time to cut, and a time to paste...'

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

Palm Top Readings

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

"Elijah didn't hear God's voice in the powerful wind, or in the earthquake, or the fire, but just then a call came in on his cell..."