Technology Joke Lovers Gifts

"Looks like our spittoon has been hacked."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"Darn autocorrect!"

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.

"I think you should hire me for my vast software knowledge. . . and then pay for me to go learn software."

"I didn't know they made a 'Sitbit'"

"I think retrieving the info from that harddrive might be a little tricky."

'The problem seems to be in the memory bank.'

A fisherman reacts as he sees a drone flying over the lake with a fishing line into the water below.

People bell ringing - 'RING TONES'

"You're on mute."

'Sir, we're receiving a signal from space. It might be a candidate for possible intelligent alien life!' 'Nice going you ninny, you butt-dialled Earth! Now they're going to know we exist!'

'Mom, I need a push.'

B2B.Com Pay Per View.

Tell me about your history. What are your interests? What kind of places do you visit? Are you careful? House of Java.net Cybercafe. You know what I mean: Are you the type that gets around? Your computer seems chaste. You may use it to send me an email. My laptop is virus-free. Freak.

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

'By putting all our data into code, our competitors can't read it, our unathorized personnel can't read it, and I'm afraid, neither can we.'

"Come on, dear...you can't blame everything on Russian hackers."

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

"So you are the data protection supervisor of the German government?"

'Hey Bob, this trampoline doesn't seem to work...'

The Screeeen!

Idiot's Guide to Programming a VCR.

"Zoom says we have connectivity issues..."

"What - the customer complaints come in nonstop and the software doesn't work? Pheew... I'm relieved. I feared that something unusual happened today."

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

'We've simplified the control to 2 buttons - snooze and panic.'

STRIP Hambone: Using Tippex on a monitor

"These EHR formats are an indecipherable headache to try and wade through. I miss the old days when the doctor's writing was all we had to figure out."

'I'm sorry, but we are after a different kind of Web expert...'