Tech Joke Fans Gifts

'A guy on the phone says he's stolen your identity, but thinks you and him might get on, do you want to go for a pint with him?'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

"I didn't know they made a 'Sitbit'"

"Hackers, Sire! They've broken through our firewall."

'Mom, I need a push.'

Tell me about your history. What are your interests? What kind of places do you visit? Are you careful? House of Java.net Cybercafe. You know what I mean: Are you the type that gets around? Your computer seems chaste. You may use it to send me an email. My laptop is virus-free. Freak.

B2B.Com Pay Per View.

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

'By putting all our data into code, our competitors can't read it, our unathorized personnel can't read it, and I'm afraid, neither can we.'

'Hey Bob, this trampoline doesn't seem to work...'

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

Virtual Lap Dancing

"So you are the data protection supervisor of the German government?"

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

Idiot's Guide to Programming a VCR.

"What - the customer complaints come in nonstop and the software doesn't work? Pheew... I'm relieved. I feared that something unusual happened today."

"Zoom says we have connectivity issues..."

'We've simplified the control to 2 buttons - snooze and panic.'

STRIP Hambone: Using Tippex on a monitor

"These EHR formats are an indecipherable headache to try and wade through. I miss the old days when the doctor's writing was all we had to figure out."

'I'm sorry, but we are after a different kind of Web expert...'

Witch uses broom from broom share program.

"Mine has a terrible battery life."

'The number 1 dinner is available in an updated version 1.1.'

STRIP Hambone: 'Can't you programme this thing to laugh at my jokes?'

"You've got to compress it because my email account is limited to 3MB."

'Don't disturb your father when he's in stand-by mode.'

"No, it isn't a mobile. It's my pipe."

"Maybe it's just playing dead."

"We programmed it to behave exactly like a human... it never stops complaining."

Instead of that CD, how about feeding me a nice bagel for a change?