Tech Comedy Fans Gifts

"So you are responsible for the biggest data piracy in our companys' history - Linda, my own secretary! Step away from the PC, you thieving magpie!"

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

"I didn't know they made a 'Sitbit'"

"Hackers, Sire! They've broken through our firewall."

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

'Some hackers have broken into the system. It goes in as molten steel, and it comes out as chicken gumbo soup.'

'Mom, I need a push.'

B2B.Com Pay Per View.

Tell me about your history. What are your interests? What kind of places do you visit? Are you careful? House of Java.net Cybercafe. You know what I mean: Are you the type that gets around? Your computer seems chaste. You may use it to send me an email. My laptop is virus-free. Freak.

"He's our back-up if our computers fail."

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

'By putting all our data into code, our competitors can't read it, our unathorized personnel can't read it, and I'm afraid, neither can we.'

Virtual Lap Dancing

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

"Zoom says we have connectivity issues..."

"What - the customer complaints come in nonstop and the software doesn't work? Pheew... I'm relieved. I feared that something unusual happened today."

Idiot's Guide to Programming a VCR.

"We've been married 32 years. How can you possibly still be in beta?"

Jim's Smart Kettle

'We've simplified the control to 2 buttons - snooze and panic.'

STRIP Hambone: Using Tippex on a monitor

"These EHR formats are an indecipherable headache to try and wade through. I miss the old days when the doctor's writing was all we had to figure out."

'I'm sorry, but we are after a different kind of Web expert...'

Psychic TV Guru & Cellular Phone Commercial Spin.

'My new browser is so fast I have to take motion sickness pills.'

Instead of that CD, how about feeding me a nice bagel for a change?

"No, it isn't a mobile. It's my pipe."

"We programmed it to behave exactly like a human... it never stops complaining."

"This tone means the battery is low. This one means you've just driven over a pedestrian. And this one indicates that someone sitting near you in a coffee shop is about to grab your phone and stuff it down your throat!"