Technical Comedy Fan Gifts

'This thing is airproof, right?'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

"I didn't know they made a 'Sitbit'"

"Hackers, Sire! They've broken through our firewall."

'Mom, I need a push.'

B2B.Com Pay Per View.

Tell me about your history. What are your interests? What kind of places do you visit? Are you careful? House of Java.net Cybercafe. You know what I mean: Are you the type that gets around? Your computer seems chaste. You may use it to send me an email. My laptop is virus-free. Freak.

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

'By putting all our data into code, our competitors can't read it, our unathorized personnel can't read it, and I'm afraid, neither can we.'

"The are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't."

"Zoom says we have connectivity issues..."

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

"What - the customer complaints come in nonstop and the software doesn't work? Pheew... I'm relieved. I feared that something unusual happened today."

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

Idiot's Guide to Programming a VCR.

'We've simplified the control to 2 buttons - snooze and panic.'

STRIP Hambone: Using Tippex on a monitor

"These EHR formats are an indecipherable headache to try and wade through. I miss the old days when the doctor's writing was all we had to figure out."

'I'm sorry, but we are after a different kind of Web expert...'

"Mine has a terrible battery life."

Unsound

STRIP Hambone: 'Can't you programme this thing to laugh at my jokes?'

'The number 1 dinner is available in an updated version 1.1.'

"You've got to compress it because my email account is limited to 3MB."

Instead of that CD, how about feeding me a nice bagel for a change?

"We programmed it to behave exactly like a human... it never stops complaining."

'Don't disturb your father when he's in stand-by mode.'

"Maybe it's just playing dead."

"No, it isn't a mobile. It's my pipe."

"This tone means the battery is low. This one means you've just driven over a pedestrian. And this one indicates that someone sitting near you in a coffee shop is about to grab your phone and stuff it down your throat!"