Techie Laughing Gifts

'Darling, the blogsitter's here.'

"Talk nerdy to me."

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

Dog flying with a drone backpack is attacking another drone delivering the mail.

"You are still here."

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

"I didn't know they made a 'Sitbit'"

'Your car should run fine now. I reformatted the hard drive, increased the ram, scanned for viruses, updated the firmware, upgraded to this year's processor...'

"That vulture just appeared and started picking at my phone. My battery must have died."

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

"He's been using the new virtual reality data viewer and climbing bar graphs..."

Robot Robber

"What burns my bottom about www.dazoosucks.com is that we capitalized them."

"Let's see if I understand: your brain can't be upgraded with additional memory, and to make matters even worse, untold thousands of those brain cells die each day?"

"When they said I'd been replaced by A.I. I'd imagined something more SOPHISTICATED!"

B2B.Com Pay Per View.

"I love these fitness bracelets! it's like having a tamagotchi, but the tamagotchi is you."

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

'By putting all our data into code, our competitors can't read it, our unathorized personnel can't read it, and I'm afraid, neither can we.'

'Is that computer, down there, the one you were having problems with?'

"Here's a blues number written about my inability to remember computer passwords."

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

Caveman to wheel inventor: 'Nice invention - how do you boot it up?'

"The are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't."

Social media messages

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary: Worm Virus - Something horny worms are at greater risk of contracting if they choose to solicit the company of worm-whores without protection.

'Stop! That's no way to get data into the cloud.'

STRIP Hambone: Using Tippex on a monitor

Don't use your dog's name as a password

Peep-A-Boo Spyware: 'Your Privacy is Our Eminent Domain!'

'I'm sorry, but we are after a different kind of Web expert...'