Tech Whisperer Gifts

"It's guaranteed for the life of the product which, obviously, ended when it broke."

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."

Computer whisperer.

"Sorry, honey, I can't talk now. I'm in the midst of some very intense negotiations with Bill Gates on the electronic rights to you and the kids."

"You're asking for some pretty detailed information. Have your hackers gotten more demanding?"

'That must be the new neighbor. I hear he's a real computer geek!'

"I can't keep track of him, but I trust Google can."

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Battered PC Shelter

'Sometimes, when I'm feeling unappreciated, I'll fake a system-wide data crash.'

'That's the latest communication technology...it's called the Smartstone.'

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

'Don't fret - just chalk it up to human error.'

WWW.World.com

'It's been telling you to blood-let a pint a day? When's the last time you updated that medical app?'

Norman was begining to grasp the limitations of modern technology.

'Can you loan me *** till pay day?'

"Thanks for responding so quickly. We need your help. Your father and I have read your LinkedIn profile three times and we still don't know what you do."

"Quiet, they're talking."

"I'm afraid you've got a bad case of gobbledeegook!"

"It's the golden rule of the computer age: If it ain't broke, upgrade it."

A watershed event in the life of a computer geek: Hearing the Call of the Information Highway.

Help a Nerd

'Funny how talking to an automated voice system makes YOU sound like the robot.'

'Decoding is often 1, 14, 20, 9, 3, 12, 9, 13, 1, 3, 20, 9, 3.'

'The computer can talk to terminals all over the country. Bentley thinks it's talking about him.'

"I've finally reached the point where I really understand my computer. Trouble is it's now obsolete."

"My phone is almost out of space. I'm going to have to delete my secure link to the White House."

"Since I know technology and not cars, I'll put it in terms that I know - my offline browser has been disabled."

Bark processing.

"We're having technical difficulties."

Two computers are having a conversation, but stop when their owner enters the room.

"Sometimes I regret using his name as my password - every time I forget it, I have to call him something new."

Rudy, you bought me a high-definition camcorder. You shouldn't have. Is that you shouldn't have as in: It's just too thoughtful? Or, simply: You shouldn't have 'cause this gift stinks? I'm really blown away. Clarify!

Hello, my boy. Oh, no. You've got that happy look. I solved our tech-support problem. When a customer has a computer problem, we'll do what other companies do. We'll outsource. Out of the country? Too expensive. Out of the species. Tech support.