Tech-tethered Youth Gifts

"I'm being punished. For the next hour I have to stay out of WiFi range."

'I told you to invite a friend over.'

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

'If it 'tells' the time, why do I have to look at it?'

"Does the ark have wifi?"

"Ultimately, we realized we share too many app subscriptions not to make it work."

"You're just gaming down there? Shouldn't you be issuing your first IPO for some billion dollar internet enterprise you've created?"

'That cloud doesn't look like a horse to me, but if I import it into Photoshop...'

"The problem with online schooling is I can't get help from Mom and Dad!"

"I hacked into Santa's computer and added a few gifts. It pays to have computer skills."

'When the school upgraded its operating system, for the third time, I upgraded my headache medicine from over-the-counter to prescription strength.'

'Yes, I can come out and play. My webcam, iPod and videophone are grounded.'

Dad... this 'Book' thingy - where do you plug it in?

'Since we modified your daughter's digital cellular structure, she's experienced a lot of ringing in her ears. If you need me to check her status, I'll be on call.'

'My Christmas list-Chapter 1'

"I'll take anything that connects to the internet."

'Here, Santa. My wish list wouldn't fit on paper, so take this flash drive.'

"When you said something about a stream, I thought you were talking about video."

'Notice how he likes his personal computer almost as well as his security blanket.'

"If I admit I'm bored with looking at my phone every minute of the day, will I be considered a traitor by my generation?"

"I was hoping it was one of those smart rakes that rakes the yard for mee..."

"I'd like the view better if I hadn't forgot my bleeper"

'Never in the field of computing has so much power been used for so little.'

"Which one is the emoji for immense relief, coupled with general underlying disappointment, tinged with cynicism, anger and apprehension?"

"How did my mom know I went to get ice cream after school? She's either placed a tracking device on me, or she's tracking my phone."

'I found some information in this book for my school paper. How do I click 'print'?'

"...first, let's just figure out an adjustmetn to my allowance..."

'Are you two still not texting?'

Some vacation. Yeah. No internet. No cell phone. No texting. What are we supposed to do?

"It's all set. We both have enough credits to go to college."

"Can I spend night at Cruz's house? Por favor? Tu R's bst eva paps!"

"This is my mom's phone. Instead of a hashtag, it has a pound sign."

"Enough with the hard-luck stories about spanking and cursive and appointment television, Dad."

"If it were today"

'Go to bed? -- but I'm the webmaster!'