Tech-savvy Spiritual Seeker Pillows

'You've stumped me with that question, I think that's something you need to Google'

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

"I'm going on a retreat."

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

'I got one of those new crystal ball smart watches.'

'He says he's tried sending you tweets but his cell phones keep melting.'

Zen and the Art of Procrastination.

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

Cable Bill.

Holy phone

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

End of world nigh!!!

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

'I'm texting my inner child.'

Fortune teller using a computer rather than traditional methods

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

Palm Top Readings

Heaven is unattended...leave your prayers at the sound of the tone.

Confession plugged up to an amp.

"We have a new app that does sin to atonement conversion."

'If your guru business is slow, do what I did. Get a professional website presence on the Internet. That's how you found me, right?'

"I can tell much more about you if I read your Palm Pilot."

"I'm going on a retreat."

"Of course we have unlimited data..."

"I got one of those new crystal ball fitness trackers-- it tells me all my future steps."

"I'm your guardian angel. But due to some technical glitz, I happen not to be invisible!"

"Yes, Mom, I'm just finishing texting my prayers now!"

Binary meditation.