Tech-savvy Prophet Gifts

"Elijah didn't hear God's voice in the powerful wind, or in the earthquake, or the fire, but just then a call came in on his cell..."

'We manufacture micro computing circuits. We're looking to hire someone who can anticipate the next small thing.'

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

"I'm going on a retreat."

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

'I got one of those new crystal ball smart watches.'

'He says he's tried sending you tweets but his cell phones keep melting.'

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'

The mobile -priest was keen to use modern technology to 'keep in touch' with his parishioners!

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

Palm Top Readings

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

Plugged In

"I do miss the crystal ball."

'Today's sermon is from St. Matthew, Chapter Five....'

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Internet Search- Find God

"I can tell much more about you if I read your Palm Pilot."