Tech-savvy Hypochondriac Gifts

"I feel fine but according to my new watch I might be DEAD!"

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

"My best friend is my phone."

Book Worm

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

'Life is ruining your health.'

Telephone Box

Stay away from Pigs.

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

'Word came from on high that managers had to develop their IT skills...'

Hospital. Patient to stomach specialist: 'What's your gut-feeling, Doctor?'

'We're out of sugar pills, so I'm giving you some M&M's.'

"I know what the 'e' in 'email' stand for...endless."

"It's a bit of a scam. They sell the crystal ball at cost, then nail you on the price of replacement psych-ink cartridges."

"For the last time, there is no virus under your bed."

Bob had many issues, but he didn't need a doctor. He needed a vet.

'You can't take it with you means your cellphones too.'

"You're in excellent health...until we can prove otherwise."

How to Keep the Doctors Guessing

'It's a new syndrome we're seeing more of... 'Google-itis'.'

'His new mobile texts, sends emails, takes pictures, faxes, sends pictures. It's just a pity he hasn't any friends.'

Aren't you a hypochondriac? What was that, loser? I feel warm. You're not going to trick me into thinking I have Ebola. 21 days ago, I may have ordered a pizza. The delivery boy had what might've been a Texas accent. A hospital in Texas was treating an Ebola patient. NOT FALLING FOR IT!! Everyone knows Ebola can only be transmitted through bodily fluids! The delivery boy was sweating. Sweat evaporates, right? Then it's in the air. Cough. Well-played, nemesis.

'This is our new line of PCs from the Komodo Islands. As you can see, each one comes complete with a 36-inch monitor.'

'Good thing you came in. Most men just ignore the warning signs.'

Lay Off the Blackberry!

"I hate these tablets - when I dine out I want a waiter I can snap at!"

'This is Ogg in hardware and Gog in software.'

I didn't want to come in, but I've spent thousands of hours online diagnosing my neck pain and it jut keeps getting worse.

'Please let me go home. . . I feel completely healthy.'

"Are you allergic to anything? I mean, aside from whatever it was that bit you?"

"I looked up my symptoms on the internet and found out that I'm DEAD and it's YOUR FAULT!"

'Mind you, that's the worst-case scenario.'

"Pay no attention to Carlson. He's all tweet and no google."