Tech-savvy Hypochondriac Pillows

"I feel fine but according to my new watch I might be DEAD!"

"My best friend is my phone."

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

Book Worm

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

'Life is ruining your health.'

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

Stay away from Pigs.

'Word came from on high that managers had to develop their IT skills...'

Telephone Box

Hospital. Patient to stomach specialist: 'What's your gut-feeling, Doctor?'

"I know what the 'e' in 'email' stand for...endless."

"It's a bit of a scam. They sell the crystal ball at cost, then nail you on the price of replacement psych-ink cartridges."

"For the last time, there is no virus under your bed."

Bob had many issues, but he didn't need a doctor. He needed a vet.

'You can't take it with you means your cellphones too.'

"You're in excellent health...until we can prove otherwise."

How to Keep the Doctors Guessing

'This is our new line of PCs from the Komodo Islands. As you can see, each one comes complete with a 36-inch monitor.'

'His new mobile texts, sends emails, takes pictures, faxes, sends pictures. It's just a pity he hasn't any friends.'

'Good thing you came in. Most men just ignore the warning signs.'

'This is Ogg in hardware and Gog in software.'

"I hate these tablets - when I dine out I want a waiter I can snap at!"

'Please let me go home. . . I feel completely healthy.'

"Are you allergic to anything? I mean, aside from whatever it was that bit you?"

"I looked up my symptoms on the internet and found out that I'm DEAD and it's YOUR FAULT!"

'Mind you, that's the worst-case scenario.'

"Baldo, how can I create a new folder so I can move these files but not these others?"

"Pay no attention to Carlson. He's all tweet and no google."