Tech-savvy Healthcare Provider Gifts

"I'm referring you to a doctor with different software."

'No, I'm not being tracked by scientists, just by my wife...'

'After sex he checks his cell phone messages.'

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

"I used to know my wife's fondest dreams and desires, but now I leave that to Google."

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

'Do you want the pill, the suppository, the patch, or the app?'

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

We don't use pink slips anymore. Just press 'delete' for Henderson and Philips.

"There was a system failure that caused a brief crash, but fortunately I was able to reboot."

Have you considered using email?

Employee performance review software.

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

"The nice thing about being married is that I no longer feel obligated to like your posts."

'It says here that machine learning finds fake news with 88% accuracy. I think from now on I really need to edit my reports before I turn them in.'

"Take two aspirin and text me in the morning."

"The healthcare industry has made a lot of advances in billing technology."

"Nurse, could you please click Ok?"

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

"Stiff neck, blurred vision, and Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, all due to extended time in front of a computer. I think I just discovered the ICD-10 code for my job!"

'That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I'll ask my computer.'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"There! I've deleted you from my database!"

'Don't worry about the workload. The boss upgraded the computer.'

"How's the computer analysis going?"

'You must learn to text each other more.'

'I feel a lot better! I hacked into your computer and reduced my insurance co-pay.'

Medical Data Base of Useful Information, 5K. Medical Data base of useless information, 500,000,000 MB.