Tech-savvy Patient Gifts

"Are my test results in yet?" "Yes, you can see them on my website!"

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

'Do you want the pill, the suppository, the patch, or the app?'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

'Do you mind if I get a second opinion off the internet?'

'Must be another of Obama's healthcare cost cutting.'

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

"Take two aspirin and text me in the morning."

Second Opinions.

'Revenue's been up since we changed our WiFi policy around here.'

"This remote doctor visit is just like the real thing. I've been waiting 35 minutes and I still haven't seen the doctor."

"Your online doctor is currently with another patient. Please go into the other room, put on some awful music and read an outdated magazine. He'll be with you in a few hours."

"We need to update your entire operating system."

Typewriters and Laptops.

God's Phone

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

'Social media makes things so much easier to be a gossip."

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

Follow God On Twitter

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

Grandad Prodigy

The Hybrid

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"There was a system failure that caused a brief crash, but fortunately I was able to reboot."

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

Wife doing Internet banking & Online shopping, saying 'Darling, I'm just collecting my pension. Is there anything we need from the shops?'

Grandma is texting her grandchildren.

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

'Well, of course Granddad tweets. He also grunts, snorts and burps.'

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

"I'm referring you to a doctor with different software."

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."