Tech-savvy Patients Gifts

"It's the only way I can get some of my paitents to listen to me."

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

"We need to update your entire operating system."

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

'Do you want the pill, the suppository, the patch, or the app?'

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

"There was a system failure that caused a brief crash, but fortunately I was able to reboot."

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

"I'm referring you to a doctor with different software."

"The healthcare industry has made a lot of advances in billing technology."

"Take two aspirin and text me in the morning."

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

'For more details or to comment, please visit my faithbook page.'

'Slow Connection'

'I'm sorry, we no longer accept cash for transactions.'

"That's not what it says on the Web."

"Stiff neck, blurred vision, and Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, all due to extended time in front of a computer. I think I just discovered the ICD-10 code for my job!"

'That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I'll ask my computer.'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

When Surgeons Work At Home

Jesus Saves

Telephone consultations worked but maybe TEXT consultations were a step too far...Does anyone recognise 'fngx stre pink' as a symptom?.

The management consultants recommended the use of more portable technology on the wards...but we couldn't afford laptops.'

"You want a glass of water...Hang on I think I've got an app for that!"

'Must be another of Obama's healthcare cost cutting.'

'Number 1 on my fave 5 is Dial-A-Prayer.'

'He googles you. That's how God knows everything about you.'

'Click on the icon.'