Tech Pessimist Pillows

Well, you and I know it's our home, but our 'smart home' doesn't know it's our home

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

I.T. Fear

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"I'd like to see you do this online."

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

Privacy

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.

"Fifty years in academia, studying, researching, writing and teaching. And what do they call me? ‘The Human AI’."

Censorship? We Don't Do That Here.

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

Domestic Spying Drones

Big Brother.

"Tarzan no want computer."

"Oh, this? It can access every piece of knowledge from the history of mankind and I hate it."

"You can't believe everything the Russian bots tell you."

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

I Value Your Privacy, So I'm Keeping It.

The anti-social network: 'Hey Jeffrey...I need help setting up my dad's anti-social network.'

No, you tell him the computer says he's wrong!

Diner is served

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"