Tech Parody Appreciator Gifts

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary: Weblog - An arachnid construction diary...

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Blood pressure 210/140. Heart rate 185. Steps taken 29. Sedentary 9.5 hours. Calories burned 19. You da man! Oh, and you're out of pork rinds." "Our classics TV marathon featuring 'Gunsmoke' will continue after..." "The unfitbit"

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

"I didn't know they made a 'Sitbit'"

Before Cordless Light Sabers

"Hackers, Sire! They've broken through our firewall."

Washroom Doors: Men, Women, Computer Whiz.

Elon Musk in fly me to the moon

'Your car should run fine now. I reformatted the hard drive, increased the ram, scanned for viruses, updated the firmware, upgraded to this year's processor...'

"He was much more effective in the field."

'Mom, I need a push.'

"Sale. Save 100% of your energy by closing this website. Close now. No, thanks."

"Today, charges that Putin hacked Trump's tweets..."

Tell me about your history. What are your interests? What kind of places do you visit? Are you careful? House of Java.net Cybercafe. You know what I mean: Are you the type that gets around? Your computer seems chaste. You may use it to send me an email. My laptop is virus-free. Freak.

Fairy tales reimagined for the 21st century. Jack and the Beanstalk

B2B.Com Pay Per View.

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

'By putting all our data into code, our competitors can't read it, our unathorized personnel can't read it, and I'm afraid, neither can we.'

Jar Wars: 'Use the forks Luke... Use the forks!'

"What - the customer complaints come in nonstop and the software doesn't work? Pheew... I'm relieved. I feared that something unusual happened today."

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

"Zoom says we have connectivity issues..."

Virtual Lap Dancing

'We've simplified the control to 2 buttons - snooze and panic.'

STRIP Hambone: Using Tippex on a monitor

"These EHR formats are an indecipherable headache to try and wade through. I miss the old days when the doctor's writing was all we had to figure out."

Lester Hacks into an Abacus.

'I'm sorry, but we are after a different kind of Web expert...'

'The number 1 dinner is available in an updated version 1.1.'

STRIP Hambone: 'Can't you programme this thing to laugh at my jokes?'