Tech Newbie Chuckler Pillows

'I don't understand that iPhone...'

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

"You are still here."

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

'We never had all these labour-saving devices in my young day!'

"I didn't know they made a 'Sitbit'"

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

"What burns my bottom about www.dazoosucks.com is that we capitalized them."

Robot Robber

"When they said I'd been replaced by A.I. I'd imagined something more SOPHISTICATED!"

B2B.Com Pay Per View.

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

'By putting all our data into code, our competitors can't read it, our unathorized personnel can't read it, and I'm afraid, neither can we.'

"Here's a blues number written about my inability to remember computer passwords."

Caveman to wheel inventor: 'Nice invention - how do you boot it up?'

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary: Worm Virus - Something horny worms are at greater risk of contracting if they choose to solicit the company of worm-whores without protection.

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

'Stop! That's no way to get data into the cloud.'

STRIP Hambone: Using Tippex on a monitor

"Are we sure this is how we get our workloads into the cloud?"

'I'm sorry, but we are after a different kind of Web expert...'

'Hello? IT? Yes, there's been a breach in security and I'm concerned about unauthorised access to my personal details.'

"Frankly, you seem a little fleshy for our team."

"'Page Not Found' always sounds a little 'careless'. Maybe we could replace it with 'Page Temporarily Engaged in Promoting Alternative Client Focused Services'."

"Mine has a terrible battery life."

"This tone means the battery is low. This one means you've just driven over a pedestrian. And this one indicates that someone sitting near you in a coffee shop is about to grab your phone and stuff it down your throat!"

'The number 1 dinner is available in an updated version 1.1.'

Mousetrap has captured the wrong type of mouse.

'Don't disturb your father when he's in stand-by mode.'

STRIP Hambone: 'Can't you programme this thing to laugh at my jokes?'

"You've got to compress it because my email account is limited to 3MB."