Tech Novice Humor Pillows

'No mom, that's not spyware.'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Talk nerdy to me."

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

"You are still here."

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

"I didn't know they made a 'Sitbit'"

'Your car should run fine now. I reformatted the hard drive, increased the ram, scanned for viruses, updated the firmware, upgraded to this year's processor...'

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

"He's been using the new virtual reality data viewer and climbing bar graphs..."

'Mom, I need a push.'

Robot Robber

"What burns my bottom about www.dazoosucks.com is that we capitalized them."

"When they said I'd been replaced by A.I. I'd imagined something more SOPHISTICATED!"

B2B.Com Pay Per View.

'Is that computer, down there, the one you were having problems with?'

'By putting all our data into code, our competitors can't read it, our unathorized personnel can't read it, and I'm afraid, neither can we.'

"Here's a blues number written about my inability to remember computer passwords."

Caveman to wheel inventor: 'Nice invention - how do you boot it up?'

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

"Zoom says we have connectivity issues..."

'Stop! That's no way to get data into the cloud.'

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary: Worm Virus - Something horny worms are at greater risk of contracting if they choose to solicit the company of worm-whores without protection.

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

"What - the customer complaints come in nonstop and the software doesn't work? Pheew... I'm relieved. I feared that something unusual happened today."

'We've simplified the control to 2 buttons - snooze and panic.'

STRIP Hambone: Using Tippex on a monitor

"These EHR formats are an indecipherable headache to try and wade through. I miss the old days when the doctor's writing was all we had to figure out."

'I'm sorry, but we are after a different kind of Web expert...'