Tear-free Chef Gifts

Cutting onions

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

Onion Tears

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'I love it when you cook - it lets me practice faking it.'

Cooking With Pollock.

Christmas Canapes

'Women cook to feed the soul...men cook to feed the ego.'

"She can't take any constructive criticism."

'Now where did I put my knitting needles?'

"For the next Christmas party pot luck, let's skip the finger foods."

'For this dish we're going to need two bottles of good quality red wine. And that's before we even start cooking.'

"Omigod! It's the breakfast I made him for his birthday!"

"Not the Verity Brewster? The Verity Brewster who invented sweet-potato casserole with marshmallows on top?"

'I feel so proud. Dad says my cooking is just like Mum's.'

Boiling Point

'Sue, the poltergeist has made us another cake.'

"I heard we're now legal in some states."

'I'm making pot pie.'

'Regardez - even le grand Escoffier cries quand il slices les onions.'

"I'm gonna throw this in her direction...just to give her a little scare!"

Would you like to lick the bowl, Lance? What did you make? I don

"Excuse me for wanting to broaden our culinary horizons."

"Baldo, tell me when my soup boils over."

"You had me at caramelized, but lost me at onions."

"Now for the stuffing - oo'er Missus."

Me Multitasking

Cull people who waste leftover food.