Team Meeting Satirist Gifts

Great coaching is about knowing how to give and when to play feedback...

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"The meeting will come to order."

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

Employee won't think about work outside of box

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

"That arrow always goes to the bottom when I walk by."

"Janet, cancel my Guido's reservation. I'll be having lunch in the office."

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

In and Out Tray

"My preferred pronoun is they."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'