Team Meeting Humorist Gifts

"We want to shift the paradigm to refocus on forward facing customer orientated satisfaction levels with a strategic orientation towards market positioning. . ."

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"The meeting will come to order."

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

"My preferred pronoun is they."

'As I walk through the halls, I see teachers teaching and students learning and I say to myself, 'what wonderful school, what a wonderful world.''

'All those in doubt, raise your eyebrows.'

"Call my broker, fax my accountant, and get my groove back."

"I'll be glad when they invent PowerPoint."

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

'He takes his organization chart seriously.'

'Come on, come on, let's work together!'

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

'ANOTHER Shakespeare play?!! Look, all we wanted was the user manual for a sandwich maker.'

'Surely they're not ALL still in their offices!'

"If we do hire you, will you promise to bring a bag lunch and dispose of the bag in the proper receptacle?"

The paperless office sign covered in post-it notes

'I'm pretty sure I have a Ph.D. I think one came bundled with my new computer.'

'We're a democracy here, as long as everyone votes in favour of what I want!'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

The state off graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my coleegues agree that there maths isn't much better!

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

'How many words per minute do you type?'

"Well, it could be the rising tide of consumer indifference to our company's latest product, or it might be the sink in the men's bathroom acting up again. We're still not sure."

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

'Don't worry! Since 28% of my salary goes to the government, I've decided to work 72% of the time!'

'Are we us or them?'

Boring Board Meeting

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."