Meeting Humor Gifts

"Damn it, Hopkins, didn't you get yesterday's memo?"

No Coin Flipping

"Before I continue, can we just lose the personal trainers?"

"See what a few beers mingled with some great ideas will do for the boss?"

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

"I hate performance review season."

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"If you could be in any cubicle, which one would it be?"

Food Chain, Inc: 'UP...DOWN'.

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"Yes, I saw the obituary. So, is that why you weren't in yesterday?"

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"If it appears that I only act like I'm working, it's because I minored in Theater."

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"