Meeting Humor Pillows

"Damn it, Hopkins, didn't you get yesterday's memo?"

No Coin Flipping

"Before I continue, can we just lose the personal trainers?"

"See what a few beers mingled with some great ideas will do for the boss?"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

"I hate performance review season."

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

Food Chain, Inc: 'UP...DOWN'.

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"If you could be in any cubicle, which one would it be?"

"That's the last time I'm going to allow politics to be discussed in the office."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"Yes, I saw the obituary. So, is that why you weren't in yesterday?"

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

"If it appears that I only act like I'm working, it's because I minored in Theater."

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.