Teachers At Heart Gifts

'Just say no to ch-e-e-s-ee!'

Children's Parties

Campaign for Plain English

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

Surf Casting

Four Types of Test-Takers...

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

Baby Einstein. Baby Frankenstein.

Changing Minds

Non-Denominational Carols

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

Toy Shops and Educated Children

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

"He just said his first word!"

The Kids' Table at the Last Supper

'Kids, today, Xerf brought in a planet that he found. Now if we look at it closely under the microscope, you can still see it's inhabitants scrambling around.'

The Evolution Of Man.

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

'We'd like to form a support group for homework anxiety.'

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

Arthur Schopenhauer

'A is for Arse.'

Magnet School. A "magnet school"? Won't that mess up the computers?

Burnout Syndrome...

Tiger Costume

You know, the snowballs we get in the summer are better. They're flavored!

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

"Have your parents sign this waiver concerning violations of personal space. . . then you guys can play tag."

Show and Tell: 'These came from our orgasmic garden.'

"...Accept finite disappointment, but NEVER LOSE INFINITE HOPE."

'Let's play doctor. You can be my malpractice lawyer.'

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

'Oooh, Jimmy, the teacher put another throwing star on your paper! Great!'