Tax Wisdom Seeker Pillows

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just up here on the advice of my tax accountant.'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

The Current Separation of Church and State Explained.

'As the government sees it, the U.S. budget would be fine if more deficit earners like you, Mr. Wald, go on the ball!'

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

"You may think the government is a big 'Giveaway' program, but you can't deduct your tax as a charitable contribution."

"Don't you think we should wait to see the effects of the new tax code?"

"It's no use, Super Rich! Your labyrinthine, yet entirely legal tax structures are too powerful for me!"

Congressional Budget Committee: Benefactor...Victim

You want an extension? Good heavens, man, we haven't even paid for Reagans boondoggles yet!

'So, they weren't interested in your Robin Hood tax then.'

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

'While your word is your bond, at this point it's a junk bond.'

'Aluminum siding will be used to cut costs in restoration at the U.S. Capitol.'

'Wouldn't it be easier if the banks simply merged with the Inland Revenue?'

New Improved I.R.S.

Osborne's Tax Cuts

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

"Our accountant is great. We were a C corp, but now we're a B- corp."

Romney: 'Corporations are people! We just pay a lot less taxes than you!'

'You Americans call it 'Illegal Tax Evasion'? Well, here in Europe, we call it 'Monaco Effect Investments''!

'I sent my mother to jail. I work for the IRS.'

'I was all ready to deal with the military, but I never expected an IRS coup!'

'I'd like to think they contribute because it's the right thing to do, but I'm not above a short sermon on tax deductibility.'

Stimulus bust

"I now represent both death and taxes."

"I realize how helpless and needy they are, but I'm afraid you still can't claim a human as a dependent."

'We're all wearing them - they were a gift from Warren Buffett.'

'Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing.'

'Of course, we could drop the enquiry and agree to henceforth leave each other alone.'

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.