Tax Professional Gifts

'I see you have all of your checks and receipts. What are you trying to hide?'

"I'll be needing one of your legs as well!"

'I assume you have documentation to back up these 27 light-years of business travel.'

'Sorry, but under the table donations aren't tax-deductible.'

"It was Socrates, wasn't it, who said, 'The unexamined life is not worth living'?"

'Now, remember, when we get in there, let me do all the talking.'

"You're self-assessment form is a joke!"

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

'You deducted whoopie cushions as a business expense Just what kind of business are you in, Mr, Quincy'

'Just because I can explain the theory of relativity doesn't mean I understand the tax code.'

"And if she doesn't file?"

"Here you are!" "I'll have that, thank you!" Inland revenue gives/takes away.

'Honk if you detest the alternative minimum tax.'

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

'My mistake was writing to the I.R.S. to thank them for not auditing me that year.'

"Taxation, meet Representation."

'...I also do some work for the tax department.'

It's the cleaners

"This was not in the Audit Plan."

Tipping the I.R.S.

VAT "Don't worry about him he's just here to deal with late payers."

IRS, 'Sorry, but you can't count them as dependents before they hatch.'

'Nice touch, but we don't have any openings in the auditing department.'

'You can claim your dependents on yout tax returns, but not your codependents.'

"Now let's talk about fines and penalties."

'Shall I give it to you straight, or would you like some mild anesthetic?'

'Okay. . . all in favour of a growing older or 'Birthday tax', please blow out the candles.'

'Wake up, sleepyhead! It's tax-freedom day.'

'I.R.S.: the buck ultimately stops here.'

"Could you bring me Mr. Trotter's tax return? It's pinned to the noticeboard by the coffee machine."

'You can't get blood from a turnip!'-'We'll never know till we try, now will we?'

'I'm sorry, but we no longer accept payment in US dollars.'

'Taxidermist? No, no...I consider myself a 'tax enthusiast.' But I agree that I captured his essence, and he looks very natural.'

'Any reciepts to prove all the deductions?' 'I was afraid you'd never ask!'

"He's hit, and he's hurt. Now we'll follow his audit trial and finish him off."