Tax Consultant Gifts

"Someday all these anonymous accounts will belong to shell companies of which you will deny all knowledge."

'But on the bright side, I was able to find a loophole that should solve your little tax problem.'

'The hair-raising twists and turns, the mystery, numbing assault on the mind...THAT'S why I love tax law!'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

Sisyphus Revisited.

"You're in luck...I've unearthed those payroll records from 3 years ago."

'Relax, I'm from the IRS. Death and taxes have merged.'

'It's either the worst idea to attract new clients I've ever seen, or the best...'

'I got 2 years for filing false returns, but I did save a bundle by doing my own taxes.'

"Now are you convinced that the tax simplification plan will work?"

"Thanks for my pocket money Dad. But you forgot to add 17.5% VAT."

'I sympathize with your wife having multiple personality disorder, but you can't claim each one as a dependent."

'Congress presented its report on simplifying the tax code today - it's 4,385 pages long.'

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

'I've invested my heart and soul in this company. I need a receipt for tax purposes.'

Office visitor, "Ooh you frightened me for a moment there I thought you were the VAT inspector."

'You want a second opinion? OK, you owe thirty five hundred dollars AND you're ugly.'

'I realize that this may be carping, but I never did live long enough to enjoy my I.R.A. account.'

Tax Department - Whammy/double whammy

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

I.R.S. in god we trust - all others we audit

"Sure, the flat tax will inflict terrible hardship on the poor, but it's a great incentive for everyone to become a millionaire."

What's this deduction of $20 million for gifts?

'Ron Choate, offshore tax haven consultant, speaking.'

"It's from our tax consultant. We forgot to beef up our pension scheme, so now we're going to be extinct."

'Cold weather doesn't bother me - I just think about April 15th and start to sweat.'

Best friends: death and taxes.

Me Doing My Taxes

'Any more change orders from you, and you'll get to declare me as a dependent on your income taxes.'

'They have a defibrillator in there.'

Man at IRS office. 'Somebody needs a hug.'

"I will grant you three wishes. You should know, however, that after taxes it will be reduced to one and a half wishes."

The day after the meek inherit the Earth.

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

'Don't worry about a thing. Your taxes are too complicated for anyone to figure out.'