Tax Consultant Gifts

"Someday all these anonymous accounts will belong to shell companies of which you will deny all knowledge."

'But on the bright side, I was able to find a loophole that should solve your little tax problem.'

'The hair-raising twists and turns, the mystery, numbing assault on the mind...THAT'S why I love tax law!'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

Sisyphus Revisited.

'Mr Reynolds, you can't count your litter box as a deduction just because you do your business there.'

"You're in luck...I've unearthed those payroll records from 3 years ago."

'Relax, I'm from the IRS. Death and taxes have merged.'

'Oh no! It's VAT man!'

'I got 2 years for filing false returns, but I did save a bundle by doing my own taxes.'

'It's either the worst idea to attract new clients I've ever seen, or the best...'

"Thanks for my pocket money Dad. But you forgot to add 17.5% VAT."

"Now are you convinced that the tax simplification plan will work?"

'Congress presented its report on simplifying the tax code today - it's 4,385 pages long.'

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

'I sympathize with your wife having multiple personality disorder, but you can't claim each one as a dependent."

'I've invested my heart and soul in this company. I need a receipt for tax purposes.'

'I realize that this may be carping, but I never did live long enough to enjoy my I.R.A. account.'

'You want a second opinion? OK, you owe thirty five hundred dollars AND you're ugly.'

Tax Department - Whammy/double whammy

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

Office visitor, "Ooh you frightened me for a moment there I thought you were the VAT inspector."

I.R.S. in god we trust - all others we audit

What's this deduction of $20 million for gifts?

"Sure, the flat tax will inflict terrible hardship on the poor, but it's a great incentive for everyone to become a millionaire."

'I may feel like a million bucks, but after taxes I look like two dollars and fifteen cents.'

'Any more change orders from you, and you'll get to declare me as a dependent on your income taxes.'

Me Doing My Taxes

Best friends: death and taxes.

'They have a defibrillator in there.'

"I will grant you three wishes. You should know, however, that after taxes it will be reduced to one and a half wishes."

'Cold weather doesn't bother me - I just think about April 15th and start to sweat.'

'Ron Choate, offshore tax haven consultant, speaking.'

"It's from our tax consultant. We forgot to beef up our pension scheme, so now we're going to be extinct."

The day after the meek inherit the Earth.