Taxation Expert Gifts

Council tax inspector notes dog kennel: 'Clearly, this property has its own entrance.'

"But if I raise your allowance you'll loose your none tax payer status"

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"Just because I can deliver toys around the world in one night, doesn't mean I understand the tax code."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

'Forget the DaVinci Code! I'm still trying to crack the tax code!'

G7 Tax Multinational Companies

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

'You have to reconcile your gross habits with your net income.'

The Current Separation of Church and State Explained.

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

I don't think we can survive here. There's little chance we can afford the taxes.

IRS Audits. That's your fourth "honest" mistake in a row!

'...and at this point I'm afraid the tax laws become totally theoretical.'

He's making a list --- Holmes solves cases quicker when he itemizes deductions.

'Check with legal and find out -- maybe we're a non-profit.'

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

Single Prayer Health Insurance

'I couldn't imagine bringing a child into the current fiscal-cliffy world.'

Fortune cookies based on various business magazines.

'Hey -- No fair peeking!'

Dr. Kapuchnik, I feel like there are powerful, sinister, unseen forces conspiring to do me harm, even though I haven't done anything wrong. Does this condition have a name? It's called April 15th, Al. Tax day.

"There's another one of those blokes that work from home."

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

Minion, I've noticed several of the patrons are working on their laptops, tablets and phones. Yeah, that's what people do in cafes, boss. Are you aware, minion, that states and municipalities regularly tax people who conduct business within their borders? I don't see why the state should have a monopoly on taxation. Do you, minion? Inform the patrons they've missed the cafe's April 15th filing deadline, so there will be penalties. If the government can be "We the People," Armstrong Maynard can b

Counting dollars

"Which tax bracket are you looking to avoid?"

"This pesky decimal point seems to give you quite a bit of trouble."