Taxation Expert Gifts

Council tax inspector notes dog kennel: 'Clearly, this property has its own entrance.'

"But if I raise your allowance you'll loose your none tax payer status"

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

"Just because I can deliver toys around the world in one night, doesn't mean I understand the tax code."

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

'Forget the DaVinci Code! I'm still trying to crack the tax code!'

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

'You have to reconcile your gross habits with your net income.'

The Current Separation of Church and State Explained.

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

'...and at this point I'm afraid the tax laws become totally theoretical.'

'Check with legal and find out -- maybe we're a non-profit.'

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

Counting dollars

'I couldn't imagine bringing a child into the current fiscal-cliffy world.'

"So, you want your owners to write you off and treat you more like their kid?"

"Marions nous! Tu payes les impôts, j'offre le resto!"

Fortune cookies based on various business magazines.

"For this job, we require someone with excellent multi-taxing skills."

"There's another one of those blokes that work from home."

Yes, they are all dependants."

'Hey -- No fair peeking!'

"Which tax bracket are you looking to avoid?"

Single Prayer Health Insurance